Line(s) of the Day #OnlyFoolsandHorses

Trigger: And that’s what I’ve done. Maintained it for 20 years. This old broom’s had 17 new heads and 14 new handles in its time.
Sid: How the hell can it be the same bloody broom then?
Trigger: There’s the picture. What more proof do you need?

Roger Lloyd-Pack and Roy Heather in the hilarious long-running sitcom Only Fools and Horses (1981 – 2003). Set in Peckham, each of its 64 episodes was written by its creator John Sullivan and told of a loveable market trader and his brother’s dreams of becoming millionaires.

Line(s) of the Day #BeKindRewind

I will shoot you. And I know robot karate!

Jerry Mclean (Jack Black) in the buddy comedy Be Kind Rewind (2008). Written and directed by French creative talent Michel Gondry, it tells of two friends who are forced to shoot their own remakes of famous films after accidentally destroying the originals in a small town video store.

Line(s) of the Day #Friends

Ross: I’ve seen her at work, but I always figured, ah-huh? But, uh, I made her dinner. We had a great time. And we’re going out again tomorrow.
Rachel: Well maybe she and her friends are just having a contest to see who can bring home the biggest geek.
Ross: Fine by me; hope she wins.

David Schwimmer and Jennifer Aniston in Friends (1993 – 2003), one of the all-time great sitcoms. I’m a huge fan of Joey, Chandler, Monica, Pheobe and of course, Ross and Rachel. You can find another great joke from the New-York set show here and here.

Line(s) of the Day #DerryGirls

Erin Quinn: Wise up ma. As if the escaped polar bear’s going to rock up at a Take That concert.
Orla McCool: He wouldn’t get a ticket for start. They sold out months ago.

Saoirse-Monica Jackson and Louisa Harland in the British sitcom Derry Girls (2018 -), which tells of a group of friends growing up in a politically charged Northern Irish city during the 1990s.

Line(s) of the Day #TheKingofQueens

Deacon Palmer: Just because a restaurant is open 24 hours a day, doesn’t mean you have to eat there 24 hours a day.
Doug Heffernan: That is exactly what it means.

Kevin James and Victor Williams in the New York-set sitcom The King of Queens (1999 – 2007) that focuses on a food and sports-loving delivery driver, who has an easy life until his father-in-law moves in.

Line(s) of the Day #TheDisasterArtist

Bill Murier: Do you want to shoot 35 or HD?
Tommy Wiseau: We’ll shoot both on this film
Peter Anway: Digital and film? Like you’d need twice the crew, twice the equipment. I mean…they’re lit differently. It’s just not done.
Tommy Wiseau: I have a vision

Hannibal Buress, James Franco and Jason Mantzoukas in the hilarious biography The Disaster Artist (2019). The film tells of the making of The Room (2003), widely considered to be one of the worst films ever made, but which has since gained a huge cult following.

Line(s) of the Day #Miranda

Miranda: Ohh, Advent calendar.
Stevie: Ooh, can I?
Miranda: Together.
Stevie: Oh, where’s the chocolate?
Miranda: Where’s the chocolate? Eaten on the first day of purchase! Who can sit in a room day after day when there are little chocolates behind windows and not remove them, eat them and then replace the windows like nothing ever happened?

Miranda Hart and Sarah Hadland in the British feel-good sitcom Miranda (2009 – 2013). You can find more of the sweet-natured comedy here and here.

Line(s) of the Day #EverybodyLovesRaymond

Frank Barone:  Why the hell did I let you drive?
Marie Barone:  Because you can’t see anymore.
Frank Barone: I can see a house!

Peter Boyle and Doris Roberts in the fondly remembered sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond. Though never considered edgy or trendy, the Long Island-set show was hugely popular and won 15 Primetime Emmy Awards from 69 nominations. Though the show finshed 13 years ago, it is still regularly shown. You can find more of Frank’s acerbic wit here

Line(s) of the Day #TheSimpsons

Barney: Well, look at the bright side, Moe: you still got us.
Moe: Yeah. Yeah, you know, that — that actually makes me feel a little better.
Homer: Why? That was the problem in the first place: you were going broke because we were your only customers. Wasn’t that the problem in the first place? That you were going broke? Moe? Moe? Hey, Moe. Oh! You’re thinking about all the money you blew, aren’t you. What was it? Fifty, sixty thousand dollars?

Another wonderful example of the fantastic humour in The Simpsons (1989 – ), as seen in the episode Bart Sells His Soul.

Line(s) of the Day #IllBeThereForYou

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job’s a joke, you’re broke
Your love life’s D.O.A
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month
Or even your year, but

I’ll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I’ll be there for you
(Like I’ve been there before)
I’ll be there for you
(‘Cause you’re there for me too)

The opening lines and chorus from I’ll be There For You by The Rembrandts, from the American duo’s third studio album LP (1995). The song is far better known for being the theme tune to sitcom phenomenon Friends,  a show I’ve been rewatching from the start. You can find two of the many jokes here and here.