Line(s) of the Day #TheDisasterArtist

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Bill Murier: Do you want to shoot 35 or HD?
Tommy Wiseau: We’ll shoot both on this film
Peter Anway: Digital and film? Like you’d need twice the crew, twice the equipment. I mean…they’re lit differently. It’s just not done.
Tommy Wiseau: I have a vision

Hannibal Buress, James Franco and Jason Mantzoukas in the hilarious biography The Disaster Artist (2019). The film tells of the making of The Room (2003), widely considered to be one of the worst films ever made, but which has since gained a huge cult following.

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Line(s) of the Day #Miranda

Miranda and Stevie

Miranda: Ohh, Advent calendar.
Stevie: Ooh, can I?
Miranda: Together.
Stevie: Oh, where’s the chocolate?
Miranda: Where’s the chocolate? Eaten on the first day of purchase! Who can sit in a room day after day when there are little chocolates behind windows and not remove them, eat them and then replace the windows like nothing ever happened?

Miranda Hart and Sarah Hadland in the British feel-good sitcom Miranda (2009 – 2013). You can find more of the sweet-natured comedy here and here.

Line(s) of the Day #EverybodyLovesRaymond

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Frank Barone:  Why the hell did I let you drive?
Marie Barone:  Because you can’t see anymore.
Frank Barone: I can see a house!

Peter Boyle and Doris Roberts in the fondly remembered sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond. Though never considered edgy or trendy, the Long Island-set show was hugely popular and won 15 Primetime Emmy Awards from 69 nominations. Though the show finshed 13 years ago, it is still regularly shown. You can find more of Frank’s acerbic wit here

Line(s) of the Day #TheSimpsons

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Barney: Well, look at the bright side, Moe: you still got us.
Moe: Yeah. Yeah, you know, that — that actually makes me feel a little better.
Homer: Why? That was the problem in the first place: you were going broke because we were your only customers. Wasn’t that the problem in the first place? That you were going broke? Moe? Moe? Hey, Moe. Oh! You’re thinking about all the money you blew, aren’t you. What was it? Fifty, sixty thousand dollars?

Another wonderful example of the fantastic humour in The Simpsons (1989 – ), as seen in the episode Bart Sells His Soul.

Line(s) of the Day #IllBeThereForYou

Rembrandts song

So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job’s a joke, you’re broke
Your love life’s D.O.A
It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month
Or even your year, but

I’ll be there for you
(When the rain starts to pour)
I’ll be there for you
(Like I’ve been there before)
I’ll be there for you
(‘Cause you’re there for me too)

The opening lines and chorus from I’ll be There For You by The Rembrandts, from the American duo’s third studio album LP (1995). The song is far better known for being the theme tune to sitcom phenomenon Friends,  a show I’ve been rewatching from the start. You can find two of the many jokes here and here.

Line(s) of the Day #ModernFamily

Manny: Help me! Tell me what to say!
Cameron: (into phone) Ok. How about this? You are the prettiest, smartest, funniest girl in the sixth grade. I know you’re only 11 but I can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve loved talking to you online. I think we should become boyfriend and girlfriend.
Cameron: (to customers) Oh no, it’ not what you’re thinking. I’m talking to a litte boy. Oh…

Rico Rodriguez and Eric Stonestreet in the multi award-winning ensemble cast comedy Modern Family (2009 – ). You can find other examples of the show’s humour here and here.

Line(s) of the Day #FawltyTowers

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“So Harry says: “You don’t like me anymore.”
“Why not?”
And he says, “‘Cause you got so terribly pretentious.”
And Harry says, “Pretentious, moi?

As said by Mr Johnson (Nicky Henson) in the outrageously funny Torquay-set show Fawlty Towers  (1975 – 1979). Long considered one of the greatest British sitcoms ever, the main character of Basil Fawlty was based on a real-life rude hotel owner. Creator John Cleese had met him when he was still a Monty Python member.  You can find other examples of the show’s humour here.

Line(s) of the Day #Michael McIntyre

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When I went to the first time [the Edinburgh Festival Fringe] my pre-sales were one. I had one ticket sold. Which is quite depressing. Even more depressing when it was a buy one get one free deal. The one person couldn’t even find even find another person for free.

Michael McIntyre telling an anecdote on The Michael O’ Grady Show about his early lack of success. Now believed to be the highest-grossing comedian in the world, among other achievements the English comic has released 4 bestselling stand-up DVDs, hosted his own chatshow and presented the hugely popular Michael McIntyre’s Big Show.