Line(s) of the Day #TheOffice

“I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you actually left them.”

Andy Bernard (Ed Helms) in the much acclaimed American mockumentary series The Office (2005 – 2013).

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Line(s) of the Day #TedLasso

You know, Rupert, guys have underestimated me my entire life. And for years, I never understood why. It used to really bother me. But then one day, I was driving my little boy to school and I saw this quote by Walt Whitman, and it was painted on the wall there. It said, “Be curious, not judgmental.” I like that.

So I get back in my car and I’m driving to work, and all of a sudden it hits me. All them fellas that used to belittle me, not a single one of them were curious. You know, they thought they had everything all figured out. So they judged everything, and they judged everyone. And I realized that their underestimating me… who I was had nothing to do with it. ‘Cause if they were curious, they would’ve asked questions.

Ted Lasso (Jason Sudeikis) in the brilliant show Ted Lasso (2020-), which tells of a quaintly charming US sports coach who comes to a west London football team after being hired for the most unlikely of reasons.

Line(s) of the Day #TheSimpsons

Marge Simpson: Gosh I thought he’d be happier in his own habitat.
Wildlife refuge guy: Oh I think he is
Marge Simpson: Then why is he attacking all those other elephants?
Willife refuge guy: Well, animals are a lot like people, Mrs. Simpson. Some of them act badly because they’ve had a hard life or have been mistreated. But, like people, some of them are just jerks. Stop that, Mr. Simpson.

I’ve quoted the show about a dozen times but it really has made me laugh so much. Still running despite starting in 1989, its a show that has provided so many great scenes, especially in its earliest years.

Gr8at: #TheTigerKing

The Tiger King has been the record-breaking documentary of the summer, focusing in the world of big cats conservation and the eccentric characters within it. Pivotal to the Netflix series is the role between Joe Exotic the self-confessed “gay, gun-carrying redneck with a mullet” and Carole Baskin, described by her husband as the “Mother Teresa of cats”. Here are eight quotes that help sum up the madness and mayhem with the seven part series.

You can see how they go from being so sweet to tearing your face off, just like that, and it’s amazing to have that range.” – Carole Baskin

People don’t come to see the tigers; they come to see me.” – Joe Exotic

“I don’t watch news on television, unless there’s a cat involved.” – Carole Baskin

I can assure you’re going to get closer to tigers and lions here than you would anywhere in the world. Matter of fact, you’re gonna get so close I can almost promise you some of you will be urinated on. – Joe Exotic

“This is my little town. I’m the mayor, the prosecutor, the cop, and executioner.” – Joe Exotic

“Ladies and gentlemen, before you hear it on the news, I’m gonna tell you myself. About an hour ago, we had an incident where one of the employees stuck their arm through the cage and a tiger tore her arm off. I can give you your money back, or I can give you a rain check. Why don’t you come back at another day?” – Joe Exotic

“People Every Day Are Like, ‘You Must Have The Most Incredible Life To Live With 187 Big Cats.'” – Joe Exotic

“I really appreciate the fact that none of these people like me.” – Carole Baskin

Line(s) of the Day #LawandOrder

Salesman: You know in the 80s, people had a different attitude towards money.
Mike Logan: I wouldn’t know. I didn’t have any. 

Chirs Noth (also known as Mr Big of course) in the hugely popular Law and Order (1990 – 2010). I’ve written why I’m a fan of the show here. You’ll probably know the famous opening words too.

Line(s) of the Day #TheBigBangTheory

Mrs. Cooper: Now listen here, Sheldon. I’ve been telling you since you were four years old, it’s okay to be smarter than everybody, but you can’t go around pointing it out!
Sheldon Cooper: Why not?
Mrs. Cooper: Because people don’t like it!

Laurie Metcalf and Jim Parsons in the long-running science-themed sitcom The Big Bang Theory (2007 – 2019). I’ve mentioned Sheldon a few times before, including in his own specific post.

Line(s) of the Day #BlueBloods

Governor Martin Mendez: Either you fire this cop or I will order the attorney general to drill down on every questionnable police shooting in the past 10 years.
Police Commissioner Frank Reagan: Which would be your right.
Governor Martin Mendez: And hold public hearings out loud and lights up.
Police Commissioner Frank Reagan: Everybody loves a circus.
Governor Marin Mendez: Except the guy that’s gotta shovel up afterwards.

Gr8at: #JasonMendoza

Everyone will have their favourite character from The Good Place (2016-), a show set in the afterlife and more shocks and twists than you could ever begin to imagine. Mine is the rather dim-witted Jason Mendoza (Manny Jacinto), the failed DJ (or rather “pre-successful”) with an unflinching loyalty to the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Line(s) of the Day #Extras

Shaun: [to muffin] Hello, you. [Shaun bites into the muffin while it’s still in Darren’s hand]
Andy Millman: Why’s he eating like that?
Darren Lamb: Yeah, why are you eating it like that?
Shaun: Me hands, been cleaning out the toilets, got no gloves.
Andy Millman: You… you shook my hand when you came in.
Shaun: Well that’s politeness innit?

Shaun Richardson, Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant in the acclaimed Extras (2005 – 2007). Telling the story of a struggling actor, the British sitcom was the follow up show by Gervais and Merchant to the phenomenally influential The Office (2001 – 2003).

Line(s) of the Day #Cheers

Sam Malone: Ya’ see, matching a Corvette with the right owner, Dennis, is kind of like finding a home for an animal…
Dennis: OK, but I’m kind of pressed for time. I gotta’ get to my hair stylist.
Sam Malone: Good.. good. (Checks him out) Oh, very good, very good… Just a few multiple choice questions… Number one, it’s high noon you’re driving in Harvard Square, parking is limited. Do you: A, park in a handicap zone, B, park in a regular spot under a tree, C drive around until a space opens up.
Dennis:  C.
Sam Malone: (jumps up) What are you nuts??!! I can’t believe it man! It’s a trick question. You don’t drive this baby at high noon, man! Sun damage, bucko! What the hell is wrong with you?!! What do you want to do, oxidise the paint?!! Get outta’ here, you make me sick!

Proud but broke Corvette owner Sam Malone as played by Ted Danson (with Rob Moran) in the hugely popular and long-running Boston-themed sitcom Cheers (1982 – 1993). You can find other examples of Cheers here and here, more information about Sam’s famous on/off romance with Diane here and about his bachelor status here.