As long-time readers will know, I really am a big fan of family-themed sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond. And some of my favourite scenes were when the otherwise pompous Marie was brought down to earth by the only person willing to stand up to her, her husband Frank. And if you can’t get enough from Frank, there’s also a previous post here.
Robert: If you didn’t hit my car then how did all the black and white paint get on yours?
Frank: I hit a penguin!
Marie: Oh Robby, that’s wonderful! As a boy, you were always a looker.
Frank: I always thought he was more of a “Look at that!”
Marie: You think Michael’s book is my fault, don’t you? Don’t you? Huh? If there’s ever a problem in the family, it’s the mother. It’s *always* the mother. Well, you all ought to be ashamed of yourselves. And you, you-you allow that, Father Hubley? Shame on you. That’s right. You had a mother. And you allowed all this to happen in your school, in your parish. This “new psychology” that children are always right, that they’re being rewarded for every little thing they do with the stickers. I mean, these kids are coming home full of stickers for doing nothing! “Ooh, I went to the potty.” “Here’s a sticker.” In my day, you had to *earn* a reward, and even then, you didn’t get it. And if there was yelling in the house, you earned that, too. There was nothing to be ashamed of. I want to tell you something. There is nothing wrong with this family. We’re very close, we’re very open, and we’re very loving, cause I make sure of it. But everybody has to make a big deal. You have to have a meeting, you have to have an inquiry, you have to have a witch hunt!
Frank: I think they found one.
Marie: We haven’t talked for 35 years.
Frank: I didn’t want to interrupt!
Ray: Okay, I regret not loving you more. I do. You deserve all the love that can fit in the ocean.
Frank: [laughs] Oh, man!
Marie: I thought that was beautiful, Frank. Why can you say something like that?
Frank: Alright… I would love it if you were in the ocean!
Ray: [to Marie] Nothing is ever good enough and it’s *always* our fault!
Frank: You can’t speak to your mother that way!
Ray: You do!
Frank: She’s not my mother!
Frank: Let’s go (eat) I’ve got two minutes until the commercials are over.
Marie: Frank. Doesn’t Raymond look all worn out and tired?
Frank: What do you expect? He’s been talking to you.
Ray: The thing is, I don’t hate him. I don’t hate anybody.
Marie: Yes, that’s one of your many qualities. You get that from me.
Frank: Can I get an iced tea from you?
Marie: Your father on the other hand hates everybody.
Frank: That’s not true. There’s only some people I hate. The rest I tolerate.
Marie: Be quiet.
Frank: Careful Marie, you’re right on the fence.