Line(s) of the Day #SandraBoynton

Sandra Boynton

Research tells us fourteen out of any 10 individuals like chocolate.

The children’s author and illustrator Sandra Boynton (1953 -), who also includes songwriting and directing among her other talents. If you like chocolate as much as those other 13 people, you’ll want to check out my review of The Chocolate Show, striking chocolate outfits and some very wise words by Charles Schulz.

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Gr8at: One Liners

As you’ll know from my many references to sitcoms and funny posts like my one liners and story jokes ones, I do love a skilfully executed joke. It’s such a great feeling when something really makes you laugh. Here are the ones that really did it for me recently. Feel free to let me know which made you chuckle the most or check out plenty more here.

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People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.” Abi Roberts

“Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door’s always open.” Paul F. Taylor

You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.” Rob Beckett

You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.” Sara Pascoe

“The anti-ageing advert that I would like to see is a baby covered in cream saying, ‘Aah, I’ve used too much’” Andrew Bird

“‘Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime.’ ‘Was it something I said?’ asks the son. ‘Yes.’” Damien Slash

““I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.’”  Tim Vine

“My grandfather invented the cold air balloon but it never really took off.” Milton Jones

Line(s) of the Day #TwoandaHalfMen

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Waldon Schmidt: How was the movie?
Alan Harper: Fantatic! I went out by myself and came home with a date.
Berta: Well, normally you out with a date and come home by yourself.

Ashton Kutcher, Jon Cryer and Conchata Ferrell in the Malibu-set sitcom Two and a Half Men (2003 – 2015). You can find two more examples of the hit show’s humour here and here.

Line(s) of the Day #ModernFamily

Manny: Help me! Tell me what to say!
Cameron: (into phone) Ok. How about this? You are the prettiest, smartest, funniest girl in the sixth grade. I know you’re only 11 but I can’t stop thinking about you. I’ve loved talking to you online. I think we should become boyfriend and girlfriend.
Cameron: (to customers) Oh no, it’ not what you’re thinking. I’m talking to a litte boy. Oh…

Rico Rodriguez and Eric Stonestreet in the multi award-winning ensemble cast comedy Modern Family (2009 – ). You can find other examples of the show’s humour here and here.

Line(s) of the Day #StPatricksDay

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There are many good reasons for drinking, 
One has just entered my head. 
If a man doesn’t drink when he’s living, 
How in the hell can he drink when he’s dead?

Happy St Patrick’s Day everyone. Ireland is a wonderful country and I hope those who haven’t been get a chance to visit. Celebrating the Emerald Isle, you can find an Ireland film quiz here, a review of the Guiness Storehouse here, a review of Dublin Park and Pheonix Park here and a Gr8at of Kilmainham Gaol here. Not to mention some of the best quotes from Ireland’s finest comedy Father Ted.

Line(s) of the Day #Frasier

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Frasier: She is nice. Intelligent, accomplished.
Daphne: Well, if you think so much of her why don’t you ask her out?
Frasier: Well, we agreed we wouldn’t pursue things. Frankly, she hasn’t given me any indication since that she’s even had a second thought about me.
Niles: Added to which, if Frasier did pursue her and she rejected him, he could hardly rationalise it by saying she doesn’t know what she’s missing. She would know exactly what she’s missing – she just didn’t miss it!

Kelsey Grammer, Jane Leeves and David Hyde Pierce with another example of the blistering wit in the much-loved Seattle-based sitcom Frasier (1993 – 2004). No other show show has been quoted more in my blog, starting with this one back in the first week.

Gr8at: #ComedyWildlifePhotographyAwards

I love animals, photography and comedy, so anything that successfully combines all three is a sure-fire winner for me. I covered The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards in a post last year so it’s great to add some from this year’s edition too. Especially as the standard is a high as ever. These are my eight favourites, but be sure to check out the official website for more great photos, as well as any possible merchandise that catches your eye.

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Gr8at: #JokerFace #OneLiners

It was my birthday recently, which featured some wonderful memories, as well as some lovely cards and presents. Among them, was a book on one-liners by tonnes of the best comedians around.  450 in fact. (Thanks Sam and Laura. You rock) Below are the ones that made me laugh most.

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Line(s) of the Day #TheSimpsons

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Actually Homer, that’s just one. See, each push-up includes both an up part and a down part.

Lenny (Harry Shearer) in the hugely influential and long-running cartoon The Simpsons (1989 – ). You can find more wit relating to the hilarious Homer, here, here and here.(Photo credit: The War of the Simpsons)