Gr8at: #JokerFace #OneLiners

It was my birthday recently, which featured some wonderful memories, as well as some lovely cards and presents. Among them, was a book on one-liners by tonnes of the best comedians around.  450 in fact. (Thanks Sam and Laura. You rock) Below are the ones that made me laugh most.

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Line(s) of the Day #TheSimpsons

Homer Simpson sweating

Actually Homer, that’s just one. See, each push-up includes both an up part and a down part.

Lenny (Harry Shearer) in the hugely influential and long-running cartoon The Simpsons (1989 – ). You can find more wit relating to the hilarious Homer, here, here and here.(Photo credit: The War of the Simpsons)

Line(s) of the Day #FawltyTowers

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“So Harry says: “You don’t like me anymore.”
“Why not?”
And he says, “‘Cause you got so terribly pretentious.”
And Harry says, “Pretentious, moi?

As said by Mr Johnson (Nicky Henson) in the outrageously funny Torquay-set show Fawlty Towers  (1975 – 1979). Long considered one of the greatest British sitcoms ever, the main character of Basil Fawlty was based on a real-life rude hotel owner. Creator John Cleese had met him when he was still a Monty Python member.  You can find other examples of the show’s humour here.

Gr8at: One-Liner Jokes

I’ve always liked a good one-liner. There’s a great skill in making you laugh with only a few words. I haven’t quoted any jokes for a bit so thought it was about time I put some up. Which one of these jokes from the web makes you laugh chuckle the most? And if you want even more, why not check out my posts on restaurant jokes, one-liners by comedians and Christmas Cracker Jokes.

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Line(s) of the Day #OnlyFoolsandHorses

A losing Streak only fools and horses

Boycie: (Through gritted teeth) “Well done, Del. Nicely played. Where did you get those bloody Aces from?”
Del: “Same place you got them Kings. I knew you was cheating, Boycie.”
Boycie: “Oh yeah? How?”
Del: “‘Cos that wasn’t the hand that I dealt you.

John Challis and David Jason in the much-loved British sitcom Only Fools and Horses (1981 – 2003, 2014). Set in East End Peckham, it tells of a poorly educated but hugely entrepreneurial market trader who dreams of getting rich. You can see other examples of the show’s humour here and here, with some memorable quotes on poker here.

Line(s) of the Day #Frasier

Niles and Frasier

Frasier: I was drawn to the theatre because of its discipline and collaborative spirit!
Niles: Oh please, in your sixth grade production of “Oklahoma!” you took so many curtain calls, Mrs. Van Raphorst had to lasso you and pull you from the stage!
Frasier: That woman never understood me or the role of Farmer Number Three!

Kelsey Grammer and David Hyde Pierce in the supreme Seattle-based sitcom Frasier (1993 – 2004). I have quoted the multi-award winning show numerous times on my blog, and yet there is always so much more to quote. Make sure to check out my Gr8at post on Frasier and Niles for more examples of their sublime humour.

Line(s) of the Day #Michael McIntyre

Michael macIntyre

When I went to the first time [the Edinburgh Festival Fringe] my pre-sales were one. I had one ticket sold. Which is quite depressing. Even more depressing when it was a buy one get one free deal. The one person couldn’t even find even find another person for free.

Michael McIntyre telling an anecdote on The Michael O’ Grady Show about his early lack of success. Now believed to be the highest-grossing comedian in the world, among other achievements the English comic has released 4 bestselling stand-up DVDs, hosted his own chatshow and presented the hugely popular Michael McIntyre’s Big Show.

Line of the Day #DeadParrotSketch

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This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It’s expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It’s a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn’t nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It’s rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.

The very famous Monty Python quote from John Cleese (in the scene with Michael Palin) who was conned into buying a dead parrot. It was inspired by Palin’s experience with a car salesman “who had an excuse for everything”. You can find the memorable Argument Room sketch here and the oft-referenced Roman achievements here.

Line(s) of the Day #Elf

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We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.

Buddy (Will Ferrell) in the delightful Christmas film Elf (2003), that tells of a toddler accidentally brought up by elves before moving to New York in search of his father.