Line(s) of the Day #MalcolmintheMiddle

Hal: Honey, the whole cooking thing was my idea. I’ll handle this. Reese, we pulled you out of class because we know you cheated. Now, you would have won easily. Why did you do it?
Reese: I don’t know. It was fun.
Lois: Those people worked very hard on their dishes, and you destroyed them. How would you feel if you were that poor woman whose quiche you salted?
Reese: Fat?
Hal: Reese… do you know what empathy is?
Reese: No.
Hal: Empathy is putting yourself into other people’s shoes so you can feel the way they do. If you hurt someone, empathy makes you hurt as well.
Reese: Then, why would you want empathy?

Bryan Cranston, Justin Berfield and Jane Kaczmarek in the hugely popular single camera comedy Malcolm in the Middle (2000 – 2008). Running for 7 seasons, it tells of a genius middle child and the dynamic between his four brothers and his long-suffering parents.

Line(s) of the Day #TheKingofQueens

Becky : Hey, anybody hungry? I made some stuff. Uh… mango spring rolls.
Doug: Mmm-hmm.
Becky: And cider-basted spare ribs. There you go.
Carrie: Wow, Becky, you made all this for the movie?
Becky: Oh, it was no trouble.
Carrie: You put me to shame. All I have is a cloret and some old
birth-control pills.
Becky: Oh, don’t worry. I go to the culinary institute, so this is a project for one of my classes.
Doug: Well, feel free to tell the teacher the “Doug” ate your homework.

Christen Sussin, Kevin James and Leah Remani in The King of Queens (1998 – 2007) sitcom about a delivery driver with a big love of food, watching sports and his wife Carrie.

Line(s) of the Day #TheRookie

Bradford: You got something to say, Chen?
Chen: Uh, yeah, I do. I… Why are you being so nice to her? My first few days on the job, you kicked me out of the car, tormented me. A month later, you — you — you stole my duty belt while I had to go pee. You called me “Boot” so many times, I get triggered when I go shoe shopping.
Bradford: Look, Officer Barnes has other issues.
Chen: Like what? Like, she’s fit and beautiful and smart —
Bradford: She won’t wear perfume.
Chen: W-What does that have to do with anything? What?
Bradford: Look, I teach my recruits according to what they need. Officer Barnes won’t wear perfume because she’s still worried it will give away her position. A part of her is still waging a war in Afghanistan, and if she’s gonna be a cop, that has to go. You are a kind and insightful person. You see the good in people. So much so that I had to show you the world can be a scary place. Officer Barnes only sees a scary place, and she needs to know that not everyone’s out to hurt her.
Chen: Is she gonna be okay?
Bradford: I think so. And who knows — one day… she might even be as good as you.

Eric Winter and Melissa O’Neill in the popular cop show The Rookie (2018 – ). The show tells of a man in his mid-forties who decides to be a cop after witnessing first hand a dramatic bank heist foiled by law enforcement. Across the six seasons, we see how he and the other (younger) rookies learn to change their insincts to better serve the community and deal with conflict.

Line(s) of the Day #RushHour3

Master Yu: May I help you?
Detective James Carter: We’ll be asking the questions old man. Who are you?
Master Yu: Yu.
Detective James Carter: No, not me. You.
Master Yu: Yes, I’m Yu.
Detective James Carter: Just answer the damn question! Who are you?
Master Yu: I have told you!
Detective James Carter: Are you deaf?
Master Yu: No. Yu is blind.
Detective James Carter: I’m not blind. You blind.
Master Yu: That is what I just said.
Detective James Carter: You just said what?
Master Yu: I did not say what, I said Yu.
Detective James Carter: That’s what I’m asking you.
Master Yu: And Yu was answering.
Detective James Carter: Shut up!
Detective James Carter: You!
Master Yu: Yes?
Detective James Carter: Not you. Him! What’s your name?
Mi: Mi.
Detective James Carter: Yes, you.
Mi: I’m Mi.
Master Yu: He’s Mi and I’m Yu.
Detective James Carter: And I’m about to whoop your old ass man because I am sick of playing games! You, me? Everybody’s ass around here!

Chrus Tucker, Henry O and Oanh Nguyen in Rush Hour 3 (2007). While it’s my least favourite of the trilogy, this update of the Who’s on First skit by Abbott and Costello really was a funny scene eight years after the original.

Line(s) of the Day #SombreroFallout

A sombrero fell out of the sky and landed on the main street of town in front of the mayor, his cousin, and a person out of work. The day was scrubbed clean by the desert air. The sky was blue. It was the blue of human eyes, waiting for something to happen. There was no reason for a sombrero to fall out of the sky. No airplane or helicopter was passing overhead and it was not a religious holiday.

The opening lines of the surreal novel Sombrero Fallout by Beatnik writer Richard Brautigan (1935 – 1984). The quite unique story has a double narrative of a writer struggling to deal with a break up with his Japanese girlfriend and also write a story about a sombrero that falls in a small town and the seismic affect it has on the locals.

Line(s) of the Day #ModernFamily

Cam Tucker: I told him you have a crush on him.
Jay Pritchett: Why would you do that?
Cam Tucker: I had no choice.
Jay Pritchett: Well, you tricked me into coming here, you made me gay, now I have a boyfriend. All these lies just to win a trophy?
Cam Tucker: Yes.
Jay Pritchett: [pause] I respect that.

Eric Stonestreet and Ed O’Neill in the hugely popular sitcom Modern Family (2009 – 2020). The long-running sitcom featured the interlinking Pritchett, Tucker and Dunphy families over 250 episodes and won 22 Emmys, including its first five seasons for Outstanding Comedy.

Line(s) of the Day #JamesBaldwin

James Baldwin, New York City, 1976; photograph by Nancy Crampton

“The bottom line is this: You write in order to change the world, knowing perfectly well that you probably can’t, but also knowing that literature is indispensable to the world. The world changes according to the way people see it, and if you alter, even by a millimeter, the way people look at reality, then you can change it.”

One of my absoloute favourite quotes on writing, by American writer and activist James Baldwin (1924 – 1987), who famously covered topics as important as sexuality, race, and class.

Line(s) of the Day #RushHour

Carter: This is the LAPD. We’re the most hated cops in all the free world. My own mama’s ashamed of me. She tells everybody I’m a drug dealer.

Chris Tucker in the hilarious Rush Hour (1998), my favourite buddy movie. Directed by Brett Ratner, Tucker and Jackie Chan were just perfect together. You can find others in the genre in this fun quiz I did a while back.