Gr8at: Funny One Liners (and extra cartoon)

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Happy Friday everyone. Have a wonderful weekend. Enjoy the cartoon and the extra jokes below and feel free to let me know your favourite.

I’ve just joined the local camouflage club. A complete waste of time.
I’ve been three times and not seen anyone there.

I went to a restaurant last night. I ordered a starter and the waiter walloped me. I ordered my main and he came over again and he whacked me right on the nose. I ordered dessert and he smacked me full in the face.
Last time I go for a slap-up meal!

Singer Neil Diamond started his career as Neil Coal.
He changed his name when the pressure got to him.

I went to see The Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra last night.
It was going really well until the guy playing the triangle disappeared.

Interviewer: What makes you think that you would be good enough for the job of a night-watchman?
Applicant: The slightest noise wakes me up.

My grandfather told me that he saw the Titanic and that from the beginning he warned all the people that that boat would sink. But they kept ignoring him.
And then, after several further warnings, they eventually kicked him out of the cinema.

I can’t believe I’ve been voted Britain’s slowest marathon runner again.
That’s 8 years running!

Have you heard they are releasing a sequel to Groundhog Day?
It’s called Groundhog Day.

12 thoughts on “Gr8at: Funny One Liners (and extra cartoon)

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