funny jokes | Alex Raphael

A supremely gifted master of the one-liner, the much loved comedian Bob Monkhouse may know longer be around, but his talent will always resonate.

They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian … They’re not laughing now.

I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.

I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

I tend to sleep in the nude. Which isn’t a bad thing except for maybe on those long flights.

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

My wife said: “Can my mother come down for the weekend?” So I said “Why?” and she said “Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.

Where do the homeless have 90% of their accidents?

Alex Raphael