Gr8at: Edinburgh Fringe Jokes

It was the Edinburgh Fringe recently, so in tribute here are a combination of eight one-liners from the competition just gone and the previous nine years. Have you ever been? Do you have a favourite?

“A thesaurus is great. There’s no other word for it.”
Ross Smith (2019)

“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”
Tim Vine (2010)

“My dad suggested I register for a donor card, he’s a man after my own heart.”
Masai Graham (2016)

“I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.”
Ken Cheng (2017)

“I’ve decided to sell my hoover – well, it was just collecting dust.”
Tim Vine (2014)

“I’ve got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad’s contacts.”
Ivo Graham (2019)

“Working at the Jobcentre has to be a tense job, knowing that if you get fired you still have to come in the next day.”
Adam Rowe (2018)

“Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.” 
Richard Stott (2019)

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Line(s) of the Day #TimVine

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Actually I did once do a parachute jump. Of course they attach you to the instructor, dont they, and you jump out together. I was in this aeroplane they attach me to this bloke and we jumped out. It was really frightening because half way down he said: “So how long have you been an instructor?”

One of the many, many, jokes by comedian Tim Vine. The genial English stand-up has twice won the award for funniest joke at the Edinburgh Fringe and once held the Guinness World Record for most jokes in one hour.

Gr8at: One Liners

As you’ll know from my many references to sitcoms and funny posts like my one liners and story jokes ones, I do love a skilfully executed joke. It’s such a great feeling when something really makes you laugh. Here are the ones that really did it for me recently. Feel free to let me know which made you chuckle the most or check out plenty more here.

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People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.” Abi Roberts

“Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door’s always open.” Paul F. Taylor

You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.” Rob Beckett

You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.” Sara Pascoe

“The anti-ageing advert that I would like to see is a baby covered in cream saying, ‘Aah, I’ve used too much’” Andrew Bird

“‘Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime.’ ‘Was it something I said?’ asks the son. ‘Yes.’” Damien Slash

““I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.’”  Tim Vine

“My grandfather invented the cold air balloon but it never really took off.” Milton Jones