Brethrens, we are gathered here in the bosom of Jesus to say goodbye to this, to this mouse, killed before its time. We have given it cheese and bread for its journey to heaven, or at least if it goes to hell, it’ll have cheese on toast. Next up is the Pope. Dust to dust, for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health, may the force be with you, because you’re worth it, amen and out.
Karen (Ramona Marquez) from the British comedy ‘Outnumbered’ (2007 – 2014).
Del Boy: ‘Look after Rodney for me Del Boy’ she said, ‘Share everything you’ve got with him, try to make him feel normal…’ And that’s what I have done. Half of everything I’ve got…I mean, fair enough, I ain’t got nothing, but half of it’s yours!
Rodney: You’d give me half of everything! You’d nick the hole out of me last polo if I didn’t keep my mouth shut.
Del Boy: That hurts Rodney…That hurts. If I had any kind of wealth I’d give half of it to you like a shot.
Rodney: Yeah? Say you had two Rolls Royces?
Del Boy: Well I’d give one to you wouldn’t I.
Rodney: You’d give me one of your Rolls Royces?
Del Boy: Yeah, course I would. If it was weather like this, I’d give you the one with the sun-shine roof.
Rodney: If you had two million pounds what would you do?
Del Boy: I’d give you a million wouldn’t I.
Del Boy: In cash.
Rodney: What would you do if you had two of them deep sea diver’s watches?
Del Boy: Now you know I’ve got two of them deep sea diver’s watches…Don’t take bloody liberties with me Rodney!
David Jason and Nicholas Lyndhurst in the long-running British sitcom Only Fools and Horses (1981- 2003)
Gina Linetti: Wait, are you only hosting dinner because you want to suck up to Holt? Not cool. This was supposed to be about friendship.
Amy Santiago: You said you were only coming to see if my apartment was the reason why I was single, or my personality like you suspected.
Chelsea Peretti and Melissa Fumero in the precinct-set comedy Brooklyn Nine-Nine (2013 – )
Jerry: I think I’m in love.
Kramer: Oh. Come on.
Jerry: No it’s true. This woman saved my life. I was crossing the street .I was almost hit by a car…and then we talked and…….the whole thing just seemed like a dream.
Kramer: If a guy saved your life you’d be in love with him too.
Jerry: No, no this woman is different , she’s incredible. she’s just like me. She talks like me, she acts like me. She even ordered cereal at a restaurant. We even have the same initials. Wait a minute, I just realised what’s going on.
Jerry: Now I know what I’ve been looking for all these years……myself! I’ve been waiting for me to come along and now I’ve swept myself off my feet.
Jerry Seinfeld and Michael Richards in the superlative US sitcom Seinfeld (1989 – 1998)
I’ve got a few questions for you. When you got this alleged confession from these two young men, did they have a lawyer present? No, because I’m their lawyer. Did you notify their parents? No, because we’re their parents. So, officer, don’t tell us to wait and don’t tell us to sit down. Just open that damn cell and let those two boys out of there or I’m going to tie this place up with so much litigation that your GRANDCHILDREN ARE GONNA NEED LAWYERS!
Uncle Phil (RIP James Avery) in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air