Waldon Schmidt: How was the movie?
Alan Harper: Fantatic! I went out by myself and came home with a date.
Berta: Well, normally you out with a date and come home by yourself.
Ashton Kutcher, Jon Cryer and Conchata Ferrell in the Malibu-set sitcom Two and a Half Men (2003 – 2015). You can find two more examples of the hit show’s humour here and here.
Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
Taken from the book The Devil’s Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce (1906)