Line(s) of the Day #TimVine

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Actually I did once do a parachute jump. Of course they attach you to the instructor, dont they, and you jump out together. I was in this aeroplane they attach me to this bloke and we jumped out. It was really frightening because half way down he said: “So how long have you been an instructor?”

One of the many, many, jokes by comedian Tim Vine. The genial English stand-up has twice won the award for funniest joke at the Edinburgh Fringe and once held the Guinness World Record for most jokes in one hour.

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Gr8at: One Liners

As you’ll know from my many references to sitcoms and funny posts like my one liners and story jokes ones, I do love a skilfully executed joke. It’s such a great feeling when something really makes you laugh. Here are the ones that really did it for me recently. Feel free to let me know which made you chuckle the most or check out plenty more here.

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People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.” Abi Roberts

“Hey, if anyone knows how to fix some broken hinges, my door’s always open.” Paul F. Taylor

You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.” Rob Beckett

You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.” Sara Pascoe

“The anti-ageing advert that I would like to see is a baby covered in cream saying, ‘Aah, I’ve used too much’” Andrew Bird

“‘Son, I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime.’ ‘Was it something I said?’ asks the son. ‘Yes.’” Damien Slash

““I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.’”  Tim Vine

“My grandfather invented the cold air balloon but it never really took off.” Milton Jones

Gr8at: #JokerFace #OneLiners

It was my birthday recently, which featured some wonderful memories, as well as some lovely cards and presents. Among them, was a book on one-liners by tonnes of the best comedians around.  450 in fact. (Thanks Sam and Laura. You rock) Below are the ones that made me laugh most.

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Gr8at: One-liners

I’ve always loved the sharpness and wit you can express within a cleverly-written one liner. So when I saw this recent collection at The Daily Telegraph, I just had to include my eight favourites. Is there one that really cracks you up most?  Which comedians make you laugh most?

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Line(s) of the Day #TwoandaHalfMen

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Alan Harper: Charlie, when I moved in here, I said that is was vital that we create a wholesome atmosphere for Jake, and you said, “I understand”.
Charlie Harper: Alan, there’s something you should know about me. When I say “I understand”, it doesn’t mean I agree. It doesn’t mean I understand. It doesn’t even mean I’m listening to you.

Jon Cryer and Charlie Sheen with an example of the dynamic that was pivotal to the success of the sibling comedy Two and a Half Men (2003 – 2015). You can find another example of the wit from the show in my previous post here.

Gr8at: Milton Jones’ Jokes

As everyone here knows I’m a big fan of a sharp and well executed one-liner. So about time I put up some from one of the best in the business, Milton Jones.  The Englishman’s deadpan and amusingly neurotic style has won him countless fans and regular success on the comedy circuit. If you find the wonderfully wacky dresser funny, you should definitely check out another fine exponent of the art, Bob Monkhouse 

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