Bill S Preston: So-crates – “The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing”.
Ted “Theodore” Logan: That’s us, dude.
Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves in likeable time travelling film Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989).
Dan Humphrey: I really thought the days of everyone turning their backs on me were over.
Chuck Bass: Well at least this time it’s because they hate you and not because they don’t know you exist.
Penn Badgely and Ed Westwick in Gossip Girl (2007 – 2012), an entertaining teen drama that focuses on the lives of a group of rich teenagers on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. You can find out more about Chuck’s womanising here, and a quote that defines his twisted relationship with Blair Waldorf here.
Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity.
Bullet Tooth Tony (Vinnie Jones) in London gangster film Snatch (2000), written and directed by Guy Ritchie.
Dr. Kelso: I saw his chart right before I went to the bakery. He’s got malaria.
Elliot: And you were going to tell him this after you had a sticky bun?
Dr. Kelso: Well, in my defence, he’s going to live at least another twelve hours and the bakery closes at five.
Ken Jenkins and Sarah Chalke in the medical comedy Scrubs (2001 – 2010)
The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman) in sitcom Parks and Recreation (2009 – )
Frasier just wouldn’t have been the same without his hilariously down-to-earth producer Roz Doyle. Time then for a Gr8at saluting eight of her funniest lines on one of sitcom’s greatest achievements.
Frasier: I’m in Cassandra’s hotel room. She invited me up here after dinner. I’m just not sure what it means.
Roz: What it means? What it means is that even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while.
Daphne: If you change the paper towels, he likes the flap facing the front. If you change the bathroom tissue, the flap faces the back, don’t ask me why.
Roz: I don’t know how you live with him.
Daphne: I don’t know how you work with him.
Roz: Well, I have learned a trick. When he’s really bugging me, I ask him if he hasn’t lost a little weight. Before you know if, he’s checking his butt out in the glass of the candy machine.
Daphne: Really? I tell him he’s gained weight. He skips dinner, sulks in his room, and I have the whole evening to myself.
Roz: [answers phone] Hello?
Frasier: Roz, it’s Frasier. Look, I need your help.
Roz: Well, I don’t have much time, I’m on my way out.
Frasier: OK, just answer me this: How do you know if you’re on a date?
Roz: Are you alone?
Frasier: Yes.
Roz: Then you’re not on a date.
Frasier: Roz, why is it every time I attempt to have a serious discussion we always end up talking about your sex life?
Roz: Because I have one.
Frasier: And to think I was going to offer you these basketball tickets.
Roz: Well, can’t use ’em anyway. I have a date with this French guy.
Frasier: So that’s it, huh? No Americans left.
Roz: I can’t work with a guy that handsome…! No offense.
Frasier: Oh, none taken. Granted, when it comes to looks, Dr. Webber and I aren’t in the same…
Roz: Species?
Frasier: Well, I was going to say “league,” but “species” is so much more insulting.
Roz : Oh, my God. You have two women?
Frasier: At least.
Roz: And you’re juggling them? And you’re getting jewelry?
Frasier: Why is that so hard to believe?
Roz: Well, I guess since they cloned that sheep, anything’s possible.
Roz: You’ll be happy to know that Clarence is doing a lot better. I just dropped his card off.
Frasier: Clarence?
Roz: Yeah, Clarence the guard.
Frasier: Oh, down at the station, Clarence, oh yes, good. I didn’t know he was sick.
Roz: You signed his get-well card.
Frasier: You mean that wasn’t a birthday card?
Roz: No, he’s in the hospital having a kidney transplant.
Frasier: Oh my God, I thought it was his birthday! I wrote, “Dear Clarence, you’re not getting older, you’re just getting closer to death”!
Alex Raphael 