Gr8at: Milton Jones’ Jokes

As everyone here knows I’m a big fan of a sharp and well executed one-liner. So about time I put up some from one of the best in the business, Milton Jones.  The Englishman’s deadpan and amusingly neurotic style has won him countless fans and regular success on the comedy circuit. If you find the wonderfully wacky dresser funny, you should definitely check out another fine exponent of the art, Bob Monkhouse 

Milton Jones t shirt

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Gr8at – Bob Monkhouse one liners

A supremely gifted master of the one-liner, the much loved comedian Bob Monkhouse may know longer be around, but his talent will always resonate.

Bob Monkhouse

They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian … They’re not laughing now.

I can still enjoy sex at 74 – I live at 75, so it’s no distance.

I want to die like my father, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming and terrified, like his passengers.

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

I tend to sleep in the nude. Which isn’t a bad thing except for maybe on those long flights.

Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

My wife said: “Can my mother come down for the weekend?” So I said “Why?” and she said “Well, she’s been up on the roof two weeks already.

Where do the homeless have 90% of their accidents?