I’ve always liked a good one-liner. There’s a great skill in making you laugh with only a few words. I haven’t quoted any jokes for a bit so thought it was about time I put some up. Which one of these jokes from the web makes you laugh chuckle the most? And if you want even more, why not check out my posts on restaurant jokes, one-liners by comedians and Christmas Cracker Jokes.
It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words antidote and anecdote, one of my good friends would still be alive today.
If con is the opposite of pro, then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.
My biggest problem with time travel is: How many days would you pack for?
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.
So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world.
Why is there so much pressure to spend Independence Day with other people?
Been reading up on the old thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
Alex Raphael 
classics!
I also love great one liners. Steven Wright is the master of them tho. have you ever heard his comedy?
I have. Big fan. Saw him first when he was on The Larry Sanders Show. You’ve seen these before, but they are timeless. https://alexraphael.wordpress.com/2015/06/20/gr8at-steven-wright/
LOL. The one about dogs is so true.
I usually put animal humour on the blog in cartoon form, but that line cracked me up.
Love the one about dogs…thanks for the laughs 😀
And they’re so quick too. Even if they’re not a retriever 😉
love to laugh in the morning. or most any time. thanks )
You and me both 🙂 There’s no shortage of great jokes out there.
The last one is my favorite!
One of mine too. Jokes about badly used language can be a riot.
Thanks for these! I’ll be sure to use these at opportune moments haha 😉
Please do. I hope you use the penultimate one on the very day ha.
Haha you’re awesome ~ I laughed out loud at the last one on the list (and I’m alone, omg) 😀
Dance like you no one is watching, laugh like no one minds 🙂
Yeahhhh 🙂 🙂
Love these lines, Alex!
Thanks Ann. I knew you would 🙂
Brilliant. Huge Gervais fan, too.
Following because of this post!
Nice. Do you prefer his TV, film or stand up work most?
Definitely his stand up – that’s the first thing I saw him do. Politics and Animals are second to none.
Then obviously TV. The Office is just…a work of Genius. Pure comedic gold. And I’ve watched Extras waaaaaay too many times. Derek was a hit and a miss for me. And lastly his films. I like them but I think I’m one of the few! He’s got a new stand up coming out I think. ..humanity or something? I have to fact check. I unfortunately suspect he’s going to be Trump bashing which is fine I suppose but a bit tired and over done now. Aaaaaanyway! Short question, waffling answer! 😂
Not at all. It’s great he’s had such an impact on you. He’s got some very sharp one liners. The line of “Where’s there’s a Will there’s a relative” and that line about making Iceland useful by making it a car park for Europe means he has social commentary for sure.
The last one is a gem.
Probably my favourite one too. It reminds me of this one too. Not only is my new thesaurus terrible, but it’s also terrible.
Superb post Alex, I love one liners!!
Did you see The Edinburgh Fringe ones? What did you think?
No!! I’ll YouTube it 🙂
Here’s it in text if it helps http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/whats-on/comedy-news/top-15-jokes-edinburgh-fringe-13510027
The door bell is always for dogs… from the dog’s view.
Very cute avatar 🙂
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