Gr8at: One-liners

I’ve always loved the sharpness and wit you can express within a cleverly-written one liner. So when I saw this recent collection at The Daily Telegraph, I just had to include my eight favourites. Is there one that really cracks you up most?  Which comedians make you laugh most?

Ed Burns grand canyon joke

My problem with the Grand Canyon is that Americans are too proud of it for my liking. The Grand Canyon was like that when they found it! And it’s not like it was hard to find. – Ed Burns

Bill Murray

“20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please don’t let Kevin Bacon die”. – Bill Murray

Billy Connolly milk joke

“Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?” – Billy Connolly

Michael MacIntyre turn down service

“Posh hotels have a turn-down service. I had never heard of this and there was a knock at the door and a woman said, ‘I’ve come to turn down your bed.’ To which I said, ‘Well many women have in the past. Why should you be any different?’” – Michael MacInytre

Nick Helm snow white gag

“I needed a password eight characters long, so I chose Snow White and the seven Dwarves.” – Nick Helm

Richard Lewis - sex joke.jpg

“I have low self-esteem; when were in bed together, I would fantasise that I was someone else.” – Richard Lewis

josie long couple joke

“When I was a kid I asked my mum what a couple was and she said: ‘Oh, two or three.’ And she wonders why her marriage didn’t work out.” – Josie Long

Marcus Brigstoke Pacman

“If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we’d all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.” – Marcus Brigstoke

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33 thoughts on “Gr8at: One-liners

  1. Excellent set of lines, far more profound that what I was thinking of when I clicked on the link. I was expecting lots of stuff from cheesy 80s action flicks. These are great.

  2. Pingback: Gr8at: One-Liner Jokes | Alex Raphael

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