Gr8at: Milton Jones’ Jokes

As everyone here knows I’m a big fan of a sharp and well executed one-liner. So about time I put up some from one of the best in the business, Milton Jones.  The Englishman’s deadpan and amusingly neurotic style has won him countless fans and regular success on the comedy circuit. If you find the wonderfully wacky dresser funny, you should definitely check out another fine exponent of the art, Bob Monkhouse 

Milton Jones t shirt

My dad was a dustman. I didn’t like him coming to collect us from school though. It’s not that I was ashamed he was a dustman, it’s just that you never knew which day he was going to come

People always say “Give blood.” “Give blood.” But it really freaked the kids out at Christmas.

Years ago I used to supply Filofaxes for the Mafia. Yes, I was involved in very organised crime.

We live in uncaring society. I was in the park the other day watching an old man feed the birds, and after a while I thought to myself, “I wonder how long he’s been dead.

If you’re using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady…
That’s how I lost my job as a bus driver.

The pollen count, now that’s a difficult job. Especially if you’ve got hay fever.

Someone keeps adding soil to my allotment overnight. It’s an absolute mystery as to why though. The plot thickens…

For London Fashion Week, they decided to cover the London Eye in camouflage.
I couldn’t see the attraction.

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9 thoughts on “Gr8at: Milton Jones’ Jokes

  1. Dead pan humor suits the cooler tone of Brits. I liked the ones about the camouflaged London eye, the Give blood slogan through a young child’s eyes/thoughts, and the organized crime with Filofaxes. These cracked me up. 🙂

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