Ever since I saw Steven Wright on The Larry Sanders Show, I’ve been a huge fan of his. I’ve even quoted him twice before, with his thoughts on a cafe breakfast and the Indy 500. But that wasn’t enough. So here are eight of his finest quotes. Do you have a favourite?
Half the people you know are below average.
You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
if you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.