Medical comedy Scrubs had a large ensemble, but the geeky, needy and oddly charming John ‘JD’ Dorian always tended to have the best lines. Here are eight examples of just how memorable he was. Feel free to let me know if you have a favourite, any thoughts on the show or any other lines you really liked.
JD: Hi. Danni, we need to move on, okay? No more thinking about our exes; no more waiting for the phone to ring; no more stealing her purse just so you can return it later in the hopes that she’ll be so grateful, she’ll use the money recovered to buy you a drink and, maybe, have sex with you after.
Danni: Did that work?
JD: I stole the wrong purse. …And, yes!
Carla Espinosa: Guys, listen, we really need to help Elliot.
Christopher Turk: Baby, she said she doesn’t want to be helped.
Carla Espinosa: If J.D. were drowning and he told you he didn’t want you to save him, wouldn’t you do it?
Christopher Turk: That depends. What if there’re hot chicks at the pool? Maybe he wants one of them to jump in and save him?
Carla Espinosa: Let’s say there’s no women.
Christopher Turk: There’s always women at the pool, baby!
Carla Espinosa: Fine. He’s in a pond.
JD: Oh, I would never swim in a pond! They’re infamous for serpents!
JD: Hey, how come Elliot never invites us over to her hospital?
Carla Espinosa: She probably doesn’t want you guys embarrassing her.
Christopher Turk: How would we embarrass her?
Carla Espinosa: Oh, maybe by diagnosing all your female patient with Turk-Fever.
Christopher Turk: Honey, a lot of women suffer from that.
JD: It’s true, I even had it.
JD.: Why can’t Carla just let this go?
Elliot: Wouldn’t you be mad if you caught your husband talking to his exgirlfriend?
JD.: Yeah, but mostly because I had a husband.
JD: How could you do this to me?
Elliot: Do what?
JD: I don’t know, come over to my house, sleep with me and the dump me the minute Sean shows up so I’d feel like a complete loser.
Elliot: Oh, you seem real crushed, I mean, you jumped into bed with Danny so quick you didn’t have time to change the sheets.
JD: You know I only have one set.
JD: [narrating] Nothing had changed much on the way to work. God, the silence is killing me!
Christopher Turk: You kissed my wife.
JD: [narrating] I miss the silence.
Christopher Turk: Did you like it?
JD: Well, that’s kind of a trick question, Turk. If I say yes, it’s like saying ‘Damn, dude, your wife is hot and I want to get me a piece of that’, but if I say no, it’s like saying ‘Yo, I know she’s your wife and everything, but you can keep that fish-lipped bitty… ‘
Christopher Turk: J.D., big news! Guess what my new cell phone number spells?
JD: Why’d you get a new cell phone number. Your old number spelled kufunninapuh.
Christopher Turk: Yeah, well this one’s 916-Call-Turk. Yeah, so now all you gotta do is call Turk!
JD: How am I supposed to remember that? I’m begging you, stick with kufunninapuh.
Christopher Turk: Come on, man, this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me besides getting married.
JD: She’s not here.
Christopher Turk: It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Dr. Kelso: If your grandmother were here, wouldn’t you want her doctor to spend as much time with her as he does with anyone else?
JD: Grandma Dorian or Nana Hobbs? Because Nana Hobbs can be an eensy bit racist.
Dr. Kelso: Grandma Dorian.
JD: She’s dead.
Alex Raphael 
Alex! I love “Scrubs”! Thanks for all the great quotes today.
Glad you liked them. Which one made you laugh most?
The “husband” one and the last one, Alex. What about you?
Nice choices. The first one really cracks me up, as I can really picture him saying it. I even mentioned Scrubs even in the early days of the blog https://alexraphael.wordpress.com/2013/10/23/lines-of-the-day-48/
This is the show that has M thinking about going into nursing (he doesn’t want to stay in school to be a doctor). I love the fact that JD and Turk are best friends in real life 🙂
A cool reason 🙂 The bromance aspect of the show was one of my favourites too. In many ways, it is the definitive example of one https://alexraphael.wordpress.com/2013/09/29/gr8-bromances/
Unfortunately I only saw an episode or two, not for the lack of interest. This still is great!!!
Glad they made you laugh 🙂
I loved this show! I loved how there would be crazy humor, and then there would be very emotional moments that would tug at the heartstrings. Although the actual humor was different, the tone of the show was similar to M*A*S*H – one of my all-time favorite shows.
M*A*S*H really did have one of the best final episodes ever. Nice to see you’re a fan of Scrubs. Have done them as two lines of the day but had to fit more of the show in 🙂
I was really hoping Scrubs’ gamble in the last season would pay off. But, I really couldn’t get into it. But, it didn’t take away from the previous seasons. I wish they would air reruns of the show. I’m sick of Roseanne, The Golden Girls, and Everybody Loves Raymond.
Yeah, I’m surprised they didn’t end the show earlier. It just felt like they had said everything they needed to say.