Wacky New Zealand comedy Flight of the Conchords featured some wonderfully entertaining and highly eccentric characters. Arguably, the funniest of these was the band’s naively optimistic and musically ignorant manager Murray Hewitt. Here are eight of his finest quotes.
Murray: We need ways to enlarge the fan base
Jemaine: What fan base? You mean Mel? That’s not a fan base, that’s just a woman
Murray: I’m calling it a fan base from now on. It makes it sound better. If you call and say ‘the fan will be there’ they can tell it’s only one person.
Jemaine: Murray, we need some money.
Murray: Oh, okay. How much? [He fetches a lock box from a drawer] We’ve got four dollars in here.
Jemaine: I thought we had ten dollars?
Murray: This box cost six.
Murray: A lot of New Zealanders come over here and they come into my office. I give them reflective vests, a map, I tell them to stay away from large crowds by going through back-alleys, yet almost every day a New Zealander is mugged!
Murray: When you’re in a band, you don’t get with your bandmate’s girlfriend – past or present.
Jemaine: Yes, well thanks for that.
Murray: You get a love triangle – you know? Fleetwood Mac situation. Well there there was four of them, so more of a love square. But you know, no one gets on.
Jemaine: Okay, I see.
Murray: Mind you, they did make some of their best music back then.
Bret: Rumours.
Murray: No, that’s all true.
Bret: We don’t look like Daft Punk. We wanted costumes that looked like Daft Punk.
Murray: I don’t know who he is.
Jemaine: You booked us a gig as a Simon and Garfunkel tribute act?
Murray [sighs] You’re onto it.
Jemaine: You’re trying to disguise it?
Murray: I tried to disguise it as a gift. Okay? I’ll admit it.
Bret: Murray, we don’t sing other people’s songs.
Murray: Oh, I know, Bret. But here’s the thing. I listened to some of their songs, and they’re actually better than your songs.
Jemaine: Murray, I was thinking perhaps we could do gigs at night.
Murray: No.
Jemaine: Yes. Most bands –
Murray: No.
Jemaine: Most bands play at night.
Murray: Not again. We’ve talked about this.
Jemaine: Most bands play at night.
Murray: It’s too dangerous out there at night.
Jemaine: We go around walking around at night all the time.
Murray: Well, you know, anything could happen. You could get run over, pickpocketed, erm… fall down a manhole, bump into people, murdered… imagine that. Or even just ridiculed.
Murray: Pied Piper was cool.
Jemaine: No he wasn’t, he kidnapped all those children.
Murray: “I mean before that phase, when it was just the rats.
I just watched this the other day. I love the New Zealand tourism posters
NEW ZEALAND…IT ROCKS!!!
“I think you can add one more exclamation point, don’t you think?”–love that it is said in all seriousness too
😀
The posters are so funny. I chose that picture especially to get that shot in. This poster really makes me laugh too https://tonyhaletest.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/flight-murray-copy.jpg
I agree. I think my favourite poster was ‘New Zealand…Like Scotland, but further away.’ Marvellous stuff.
Even the walls make me laugh haha.
So funny!!!!! You chose some brilliant lines 🙂
I think my favourite is the last one actually. When he says “I mean before that phase, when it was just the rats.” HA! I can hear him saying it, he tails of towards at end goes a bit quiet haha!
Great choice. I have a soft spot for his advice to New Zealand tourists ha. It’s his complete shock haha.
Haha! What about when him and Jermaine are sightseeing and Murray’s looking at a monument or something and says “come down and touch it Jermaine!” I can hear his silly little voice, always makes me laugh!!!!
My favourite line of Jemaine is when he asked whether he could hold a board up stating where the directions where to the business. Is thatsomething you could do, he’s asked. Jemaine replies: “Sounds like something a lamppost could do.” He doesn’t get the job haha.
Haha!!! Love Jemaine!!
He’s so funny in the Hurt Feelings rap song as well, some of the stuff he says!! I reckon all those things they said were true, in the song 🙂 I reckon they had been told those things in real life!
“have you ever been told that you look like a llama?”
He’s very funny in Eagle vs Shark too.
I’ve never seen that! Should I?
🙂
I think you’d like it.
Thanks 🙂